From: David Kabanje
Date: October 7, 2021
Subject: GMU from Andrew Smeal

The End of Self 


For the individual who is overwhelmed with their sinful tendencies, realizing what a helpless state they are in, the desire to want to be rescued from self becomes desperately strong. When left alone to solve the problem of removing this despised and infected part within us, we all too often will view ourselves as so meshed and intertwined, that the only solution visible is to seek a self-destructive path to end our physical selves. We start to associate ourselves with the thing we so strongly despise. As to not get too melancholy or dive too deep into these dark depths of these thoughts, I am going to suggest that the desire to hate and even eliminate the sinful self, is truly God-given. 

Now hear me out, I am not saying that the act of suicide is sanctioned by God, but merely that there is an element of irony in the solution to our problem. See God tells us to die to self and deny ourselves, daily. The irony lies in the fact that we may genuinely want to die because the part that haunts us deserves to die, but the solution with God is to die to self. “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23, NIV). We already don’t like this version of ourselves with all the pain it has caused, and God is urging us to hand our lives over to Him so that He can live in us!

To some, this may seem rudimentary and simple, or a common cliché they have been told their whole life. Let this simple comparison click. Thoughts of suicide hit the hardest when we are down and feel like we can’t go any further. If you are feeling this or have felt like this, you are in a perfect state to surrender to God, by asking Him to take away your old self along with the weight of your past mistakes, regrets, doubts, and shame. God is giving you the strong feeling of hating sin, and this is good because if you let it, it can lead to repentance, crying out to God in acknowledgment that only He can save you, and claiming the promise of a life made new in the gift of Jesus Christ. Sometimes we just desperately need to be saved from ourselves. Cry out to God in these times as the contrite tax collector overwhelmed by his sinful state in the presence of his Savior, “God, have mercy on me, a sinner!” (Luke 18:13, NIV). Claim your new life as a son and daughter of God, heir to the throne, saying, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” (Galatians 2:20, NIV).